FORCING, most of the times means that we’re not listening to ourselves, that we’re disconnected to the wholeness that we are, and unconsciously not allowing FLUIDITY, grace and lightness to guide us. That might be because of many reasons. Maybe it is a response of past trauma, of difficult past experiences. And we end up moving through life with FEAR. Fear of loosing people, jobs, things, fear of not being loved, of being left alone, fear of not belonging, fear of not being good enough. So we end up forcing… forcing relationships for example, that if we would have been listening to our inner voice or gut feeling with no interference (fear) from the beginning, we wouldn’t have feel attracted to it or we would’ve related to that person in another way. Because in the end is not only the thing itself, but how and from where we RELATE TO IT. How much power or influence we allow that thing, person, institution, belief can have on us.
And this makes me think immediately about BOUNDARIES. How when we aren’t attuned to our sensing, feeling, thinking, our relationship with boundaries is unclear. So the message (energy) that we’re sending to the universe is unclear as well. All of this happens in an UNCONSCIOUS level of course. Because no one wakes up and says “Today I will have fear, I will force myself into situations that are unsafe for me and I won’t love and take care of myself”. So please, LET GO THE BURDEN of guilt, of shame, of not being integrated enough to work through these patterns. It’s totally understandable to move through life with fear and with lack of self confidence, because many of us had to change our deep desires, our genuine interests, our timing, our behaviours, WHO WE ARE, in order to FIT INTO DIFFERENT MODELS that society built. And so we stopped listening or trusting our AUTHENTIC SELF, because if we listened and followed that gut feeling, many times we would have been rejected or left alone because it wasn’t the norm or the acceptable. And who wants to FEEL THAT IT DOESN'T BELONG? I guess no one. So instead, we listened more to what was seen as “successful", and we pushed ourselves (maybe too hard) into that direction, to 'FIT IN'. Fit into people, into institutions, jobs, situations, models, beliefs, body shapes. I could say that is COLLECTIVE TRAUMA that we’re healing right now, because many, many people feel this way.
And the best news is that is NEVER TOO LATE to attend to your authentic self, because it has always been there, it is there right now and it will be there forever.
The first step is to pause and give yourself time to listen to what’s going on within you, to REGULATE YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM. Depending on the circumstance and the moment in my life, some of the RESOURCES that work very well for me are: breathing with awareness, to meditate, to practice somatic movement, to be in nature, to do journaling, to be with people whom I feel safe to be around, doing my pottery, working with archetypes… And possibly then, when you feel grounded identifying if there’s something that doesn’t feel good within you? After that, with curiosity and avoiding judgement, asking yourself… is there any other way that I can relate to this thing, person, situation that doesn’t feel like is flowing? Some times you won’t even need to reflect on these questions, because already with the assistance of the resources mentioned before, things will probably RECALIBRATE in an integrated way for you. In my personal experience, going through your integration process with a therapist (in any of the fields that you resonate with) or with a group of people that you trust feels so much lighter and contained.
In love and grace,
Lucia